How to Find Your Purpose After 40

Connection In The Age Of Noise

Is it an indonation of information creating disconnection? Isn't it funny that we're supposed to have these devices to connect us and we become more disconnected? More disconnected. People talk less to each other. They they we you you see how how often I see I've seen it. Um I've seen it in families. It's and uh the they they can't even dialogue with each other. Because it's just they've let it sort of build up stupidly. I mean, it's not really any different than it was a hundred years ago. It's just that now you get to see it. I mean, we we we can certainly make a big deal out of different stuff and say, oh my goodness, what's going on in this part of the world and what's going on in this part of the world? But we're we're worried, uh often we're worried about a lot of stuff that we have absolutely no control over. The only thing we really have control over is us.

Welcome to the Midlife Rebel Podcast. It's time to rewrite the midlife story for women who refuse to be put in a box. Because maybe midlife isn't a crisis. Maybe it's an awakening.

Success And Failure Share A Path

Um come across in the last couple of weeks, which I think is really helpful for those kind of moments, and I think this can probably lead into a conversation about purpose, um, is the path no success and failure share the same path. And you know, in writing that example of you writing something and it being seemingly rejected, you still went through the same process as you would have gone if that if they had accepted it. The path was exactly the same. I I find that that's a really um kind of empowering way to look at things.

Well, that's um you know, an interesting thing. And and um I I read, I mean, if if if you've seen in video, you can see I read very eclectically. I got all sorts of different stuff. You know, if we zoomed in, you'd see my God, the genres, the languages, the um and I I read a lot of like epic fantasy and high fantasy and science fiction, and people go, Are you trying to escape? Are you that? And I go, you know, that's that's the interesting thing. Maybe I got into it because I wanted adventure stories and stuff when I was young. But I, and and I hear this from other individuals that you know, famous people I know and people I read about that have read the same books and had the same experience. And that's not so much that oh, we escaped, oh, we were able to get away from our lives, or we were able to do this. It was I learned so much about life reading that book and seeing those characters because one thing I've realized, and I write fiction, that's that's the long before the theater, I I wanted I was going to be a professional author. I still, I still am. And it's it it was one of those you can take philosophy and concepts of philosophy and you can create characters that go live them and see how it happens. And you you know, like that, that was in in and it's hugely criticized for it, and not necessarily unfairly, but like Ann Rand, when she wrote The Fountainhead and when she wrote Atlas Shrugged, they were they were fiction. They were they were ways, it was it was probably the best way to really espouse this philosophy she was trying to say. It was not the you know the greatest writing ever. It wasn't the you know winner, you know, you know, to to win Nobel Prizes and stuff in literature for literary form, but it was a way utilizing a story with fictional characters to get across concepts philosophically that you might not otherwise be able to. Can I create the situation? And I found in fantasy you can do that very, very well because then they can add in, you know, you you could use magic as a as a metaphor. I mean, Lord of the Rings is used as a massive metaphor of all sorts of stuff. Uh, if I turned the camera right now, you'd see all the Lord of the Rings stuff I have. And in in you, you know, we we talk about purpose. One of the best things I got from Brandon Sanderson when he was talking about in his in his huge epic, The Stormlight Archive, and he says the motto of the night's radiant in there, one of the things is journey before destination.

Journey Before Destination Mindset

And and you hear that, and that's really about purpose because it's and and I you know he'd be fun to just talk to about that for half an hour with without cameras and just chat. But you you can see a lot of his ideas of philosophy going, well, let's explore this concept. But one of those ideas is we know the destination. And being death, you know, so so it's more about you know, in that sense. So so it's more about so focus on the journey.

Yeah.

And I I make that comment about when people are bad drivers on the road. I go, I I would say they're more focused either on doing something other than driving, and people, well, they weren't on their phone, there was nobody in the car. I go, yeah, then they're focused on being where they need to be, not where they are right now. And they're they're missing the journey.

Yeah.

In order to try to already be in the future. Um, you know, maybe that's what they mean by living presently, right?

Yes, exactly. That's exactly what I was about to say. I love that how they're like these common threads, and we always tend to come back to the same, to the same ideas, right? Like it doesn't matter what direction you come come from. Well, that seems to be my experience anyway. Come back to those same ideas about being present, present, um, yeah, being in it rather than worrying about the outcome and those sorts of things. And and yeah, I would love to hear because um I'd love to talk to you more about purpose because um this is something that's come up for me more as I've got into my midlife. Um, and I think it's a common that's another common thread, right? Kind of go, what's all this about? But um and you've and we've come from the same kind of background in he in health, and then like that interest in human behavior. Although I haven't done any formal study in human behavior, certainly.

Oh, you but you have, you've been in the theater.

I've done yeah, I've been in the theater and I've worked with people all the time. I'm constantly in the study of human behavior and I'm in my own head. Um how that's kind of evolved into this where you start to see patterns in other people when they're not in alignment with the people you're treating.

Right.

Like, do you see that thread starting to come up more with the more people that you work with?

I I find you you know, that's that's an interesting question because you got that idea of am I am I seeing it because I'm focused on it? You know, is it it's that old law of reflection, right? It are they reflecting my uncertainty? So if I become more certain, will I see less of that or more people that feel they know what they're doing? But I I do find that that I'll have I I am I seem to be the doctor in the office. There's multiple doctors in my chiropractic office, and I seem to be the one in there that people come to and ask for sort of direction sometimes. I mean, I'll I'll have my people come in and go, Do you think I should retire?

Okay.

Well, I'm sorry, you know, and I just randomly. I mean, we're we're here talking about your back pain or whatever. Do you think I should retire? Do you think that'll help? And I don't

Pain, Purpose And Why People Act

know. You know, what's it because one of the questions I was taught to ask when somebody comes into my office, I've been I've been a practicing chiropractor for 14 years. Uh, but I've been in it for my whole life because my dad's a chiropractor and my grandpa's a chiropractor, and you know, all my family are all chiropractors. But it's it's this question when you come in and you go, you know, I've I've oh I've got this old back pain, or I've got this neck problem, or I can't, you know, I can't eat because my digestion's bad, or you know, I've got migraine headaches every day. And you know, I'll ask some people the weirdest question I'll ask, somebody I'll have sciatica, say, you know, their right leg just hurts all the time. And I'll go, for how long? And they go, for six months. And I'm going, I'm sorry, what you're here today? Like, what have you done? Oh, well, I did the drugs, I did the shot, I did this, I don't want surgery. And I'm like, okay. I go, six months? Like, it still doesn't equate. And it took two months just for you to do one thing. And and I'll go, okay, so here's my question. What is it in your life that you really love to do that you can no longer do that this has taken you away from? Because it must not have been doing that for a bit. But all of a sudden you feel like, oh, my purpose must be off. And I finally need to do something about this. You know, there's human behavior, right? I'll just let it go. I had a I I had an I was a new doctor, 2012, and I'll I'll always remember this individual came in, great big guy, and could hardly walk. I mean, leg was really bad. And you know, he had a bad pinch, swollen nerve in his back and all this. And I go, what brings you in? He goes, Well, my boss won't let me go back to work until I fix this problem. And I go, You've been working? He goes, Yeah, for three weeks, but finally, you know, I can hardly walk. And they just told me I can't come back into work, they won't let me work. So I need to get this well so I can go back to work. I go, how many days do you work? He goes, seven days a week. And I go, voluntarily, he goes, Yeah. He goes, when I'm not at the, you know, and I'm not at the shop. We have a shop at my house, and I keep working. And I go, okay. I go, are you working at home? He goes, well, yeah, nobody can stop me there. And I go, okay, well, we're gonna do our best. But he he had related to me that I said, Have you ever had the problem before? And he goes, Yeah, you know, like eight years ago, he'd had one of the machines fall on him.

Oh my god.

And they got it off and he got up and he they got it back working. He went back to work. And then finally, after like two weeks, I mean, he's just barely coming in and he was sick and everything else, and they made him go to a doctor, and he'd actually broken his leg. But until they told him he couldn't work, he was not going anywhere. Like it was not it was not bad enough. So as soon as and he told me, he says, as soon as I can go back to work, you're never gonna see me again, which I never did. Because his his whole focus and purpose on life was the he told me the end goal. I mean, he told me about the acreage and the dog and the house and you know everything they were gonna do, but he goes, But I'm working seven days a week. I said, What are you gonna do when you're done? He goes, Well, I'm gonna build a shop in my house and I'm gonna keep tinkering. I mean, it was just never gonna end. So it it's that idea that it got to the point for I didn't even have to ask him the question. He just said, I can't work, so I need to fix this so I can work. But I have other people that that I can't pick up my granddaughter. There's others that said I can't sleep and and I can't be near my partner and we can't do dinner that we always like to do, and and the other one I can't travel or I can't do. I mean, there there's always something in there. And and when I dig to that and I go, what's your purpose? And uh and how is this getting you off your purpose? Because otherwise you wouldn't bother. Because I need to teach you about health. You already know you're sick. And and that's a challenge because everybody thinks that that being healthy is not feeling this pain. But being healthy is actually you're feeling the pain, but you know, clearly you were healthy enough to keep working with a broken leg, but suddenly you weren't. Right? Does that make sense?

Yeah, kind of. I I mean there was a lot in there.

Yeah, yeah.

So it's kind of uh you talked about purpose and and that guy as the example, that was kind of like a long he had like a long-term goal of like wanting the house and the yard and the acreage or whatever, um, and animals and um and so his purpose wasn't the work, but that was kind of like the what he saw as his way of getting there. I was kind of what about the the idea that the body that kind of the thing that stopped him what's that saying about being on the right path? Is the body kind of putting the brakes on going that isn't your purpose?

Well, I I wouldn't say you know, that that individual that was an extreme case that just kind of gives you a very blunt example of you know, I'm gonna keep going. I think in his case it was just a physical thing where his body just said, dude, we need to take a break. Like we were, you know, the whole body was sort of organized to keep him going toward it. I don't think he was off purpose. I think I think just physically he hit a limitation of physical matter and it said, You you better do something about it, or we're just not gonna make it to the goal. I I never know if he made it to the goal. Who knows? Um he might still be there working seven days a week. But the the but the but the idea was that that his body gave him a signal and a feedback, and he was powerful enough to ignore it until suddenly something outside of him said, No, we're not going to allow you to ignore it. And he could have he could have easily said, Well, then I quit and I'm just gonna go home and work seven days a week in my house, sitting in a wheelchair or something, you know, and I mean just kept going and going until finally, you know, he just wasn't going to be able to survive. You know, that's a possibility. Uh, that's a speculation, but you know, it obviously didn't happen that way. But a simpler one is, yeah, I mean, your your body is is continuously giving you feedback.

Innate Intelligence And Body Feedback

And in chiropractic, we we're we're the only healthcare uh profession that has that's based on a philosophy. And really the philosophy is that your body is a self-healing organism, it it just needs no interference. If we remove the interference and restore communication, it'll it'll it'll adapt and change and do that. And we say that there is an innate intelligence that's kind of keeping all that running. And then what you and I are using right now is our educated intelligence, because your innate intelligence knows that alcohol is a poison. Your educated intelligence and your friend's educated intelligence say, no, this is a great social thing. Um, and and it's not necessarily wise. But it's the this idea that your body, in order for this innate part of you to slap around the educated part, it has to give you a symptom. And so your body's trying to give you this feedback to say, hey, buddy, listen, pay attention, what's going on? And you can sit and start to look and go, okay, well, is it a physical thing? Great. Is it is it the nervous system? Well, I'm I'll always tell you the nervous system's related because that's a communication and a connection piece. But at the same time, so is it just is there an interference thing that we need to take care of? Well, why did it show up this way? What's going on in your life? Um, when you do get off purpose, I wouldn't say we get off so much. Everybody needs tangents in the road, right? I mean, if it if if life was laid out and here's the straight line and just go and never deviate, it'd be pretty boring. It'd be over pretty quick, too, I think. Uh so what do we get? We go, oh, that's interesting. Oh, that's really cool. And then and then we end up studying, you know, you get into the theater and then all of a sudden you realize that, oh, that's really cool, like studying Harold Pinter. Oh, that's kind of a neat time of London. Oh, I wonder what it would be like in London. Oh, that's really neat. I always wanted to know old English. Oh, hey, Beowulf. Yeah, now I'm in Old Norse. Oh, that's very cool. I can read the Icelandic sagas. Wow, I never thought about reading classical Latin. Oh, yeah, let's be a doctor today. That's my life. And, you know, and then and going down, you know, I mean, I got business studies next to esoteric studies. And um, but but we have these sort of journeys and these pathways, and we can find common threads on them. It's not so much that you're going to get the feedback that you've gone off purpose, because in the end, you can probably look and say, that is related to my purpose. This was a lesson I needed to learn. This was that that taught me this about myself, uh, so I can get so I can, you know, unload that baggage type of thing. Or this was a lesson, or this was something that that was certainly going to help pursue the service I wanted to give uh from myself to the world in whatever form. Big or small. You know, that's the I think sometimes we get feedback because we try to do something big rather than something true. Because everybody says, well, it has to be a world-changing world shaking. I go, yeah, but remember, we all started off as a single cell. That's pretty world-changing, world shaking. In fact, I saw a great quote on that line. Not to tangent, well, I do mean to tangent, but it was uh one of the other chiropractors I'm I'm friends with posted on there, said it's funny we read these stories about traveling back in time and making small changes and having these big repercussions in the future. We don't think about the small little things we can do now that's going to affect our futures. And I go, yeah, I mean that's that that's uh because uh chiropractic adjustment is a very small thing. But the the long-term ripple effects it can have continuously through your being are huge. So these these symptoms I think show up not when we get off the path and find little side paths and little if if you're in I'm a gamer, so you know, side quests from the main quest, but when suddenly we go way over here, maybe to somebody else's path, or we're way, way off and we're falling, and it's kind of like something slapping us around going, hey, hey, buddy, what are you doing? And you, you know, whether you're lying to yourself, whether you're getting down into you know, I don't know how to deal with it and I'm getting stuck with the substance, whether I'm, you know, you're you're just getting a chronic pain all the time that never goes away, and you don't want to necessarily admit all the different stuff that's going on. And it's and it's showing up now physically because your your brain has no other way to signal you. And even then, then it finally breaks down to the point where it's like, can we come back? I think I and when I I talk about that, I speak on human potential, it's because I see the potential that we can.

Yeah.

But it's what do you gotta do to get there? You know, the the more degenerated, the more broken apart it is. Yeah, I can get it there, but A, what's it gonna take? How stable is it gonna be, and what do I gotta do to stay? Everybody's different, every single human being and individual is different.

Yes. There was a lot in there. So many things love is like ding ding.

These are the things that keep me awake at night, thinking.

Oh, they're all things that completely fascinate me as well. And I was just thinking about that whole connection between that um, you know, our body just having so much wisdom, and and like then there's that little, you know, the the voice of intuition that we aren't taught to use or we just generally ignore, and how the like you mentioned, the body then starts to show up with the signs that you need to start listening. Like there's just so many, so many bits. Um I love it. Purpose. I still want to talk more about purpose. Um, and I know that was all interconnected, but like what is like how do you define it? Is it as simple as like wanting the house? I know you said that was a simple example, um, you know, wanting the land. Because I think that we have this idea that that purpose is often about and change the world and go out and change the world, or I've gotta run the country, or it's connected to Korea, or you know, having some kind of um work achievement, success. But it can be as simple as living, yeah, success.

Success Means Exit And What Now

Let's break down the words.

Okay, let's go there.

Oh, success is great. Um, do you speak any Spanish?

Not really.

You're going to now. Um, so the word for success in Spanish, this this fascinated me when I learned it a few years ago, is éxito. And I go, goodness, that's very interesting because I know Latin. And so I go, Well, does that come from ex, you know, exit to exit? In Latin, and I and I and it does. That's the etymology of the word. It comes from the Latin for excitare, meaning to go out of. And really, it means the exit, the end. Success is the end. So is success the wisest thing? Oh, I I'm chasing success. Well, don't catch it because that's the end. And you read stories about people that, oh, they finally got the success they wanted and it was too bad, you know, that they, you know, they passed away shortly afterward. Um, there's a there's a famous thing you can actually find in and it's yeah, you know, not not to create a conspiracy theory, but it's Bruce Lee, and he wrote down exactly what he wanted, like the the dollar amount, he was going to be an international film star, he was going to have these dojos, he would have the family, he would have like 10 million dollars, stuff like that, and basically achieved all of that right around the time that he ended up having his fatal accident and dying.

Oh.

So, and you know, and that's that's that's an example, but it's it's it's one of those odd things that sticks out in your mind when you look at that and you go, well, he he succeeded. And and it's kind of like that, well, what now? If you have if you have nothing, that's the end, that's the exit. So in and in Spanish, they kind of saw that, that okay, well, that that means we've hit this point where it's now time to be to be done, to go out of, to exit. We've succeeded. And and you see that. And when I I learned that about the word success, I go, you know, be careful with success, because that that means you're done. Because I I it's you know, the old joke with chiropractors is you got to keep going forever. Uh but I said, yeah, it's kind of like brushing your teeth that way. Uh, you know, we'll just we'll never get good enough to stop brushing. But the it's it's this idea of what are you going to do to just regularly take care of it in order to go toward objectives that you have. So in in that sense of can purpose be that small? Well, of course, purpose can be that small. I have people that they go, I don't, I don't desire anything, Dr. Kyle, beyond just enjoying, enjoying watching my family grow, seeing my kids grow up, seeing my grandkids, spending time with my wife. I don't even care if I go on a cruise or an airplane. I like to see my friends and and play a little golf and play a little cards. I'm happy to watch a good show and go for a long walk. And one day I'll pass away and I'll be buried next in the place where my great-grandparents, grandparents, and parents are buried. And that's it. And and they have they lead these beautiful lives, and they occasionally have issues. And he goes, but while I'm here, you know, I might as well, you know, do a little gardening and you know, I can share some of the things that I grow and just but but they don't have to say, because that's going to change the world.

Yeah.

I mean, it it's the the reason we don't see that is we we don't we don't look for the connections of things.

It I mean it's it really again comes back to that sense of presence, doesn't it? Because if we're present with the life that we're living and we're enjoying the simple things like spending time with family, um going to work every day, if that's what you love doing, spending some time in nature, in the garden, with friends. If you're doing all of those things with intention and presence, then who's to say that isn't a life well lived?

Exactly. I mean, that's you know, I've been reading all this history. I'm reading Will Durant's story of civilization. And the reason I like this is Durant says in there, because Durant was a lecturer. Durant Durant's Drant Durant's telling the story of civilization, not the history of the world. And he he's got so he he gets this great objective view. But you don't he says it's very it could very easily we could just talk about war and conflict for 11 volumes, just nonstop about every every war, every kind, you know, all the Roman emperors and all these different things and the troops. He goes, let's just give a quick summary over three pages for these next few, and we'll talk about some important ones. And then all of a sudden we're on a thing of how did people live in Roman times? How did people live in ancient Egypt? We know all about the pyramids and the gods and the hieroglyphs. They go, well, what did the regular people do? And and he he gets into the literature of Egypt. You ever listen to the literature of Egypt? We don't even talk about that. And I mean, they've got they've got papyri with scrolls of that stuff. We know we know how people lived in ancient India and Japan, and you know, we know we know how some of the native tribes in in the states lived. We know how the the aborigines and the uh and the Maori live down in in your part of the world. And it's just it's we we have you know, we we see the common people. We don't write great epic novels about them. We look at the ones that that certainly were sort of well known. That's why we call them celebrities, right? But it it's really been without when when you look at all that, you go, what would those emperors have been without all the people? Doing regular stuff every day. I I I take care of a lot of guys that are in construction, uh-huh. And you know, of course, because they beat themselves up. I remember talking to one of the one of the uh main contractors, and I go, you know, it's funny, I went I went to ancient Rome, or I went to Rome and looked at the ruins, and you're down by the Coliseum, and you're down by Trajan's Forum, and you can go down by the Via Appia and see the old Roman roads and all that. I go, here's the funny thing when you look at that, and people don't think about this, but there was a whole bunch of guys doing construction in Rome 2,000 years ago with a work gang detail of mixing concrete and getting bricks and putting these things together and working these hours, and they had probably a foreman in charge saying, get off your lazy butts, and you know, and and and doing I said, and they're still doing it today. I go, the world has very little changes when you think about that, and and then they probably wanted to go go eat something or go have a beer with their friends or go catch some type of entertainment or spectacle, or you know, they probably had families with kids and they had to figure out how the kids were going to live. And and you know, people just did that, and we don't think about that, but the whole world's been built on that. Yeah, there have been people moving certain pieces, but without without the the in you know, without without all these cells making up your organs, your organs are kind of useless.

So what is going on then? What like is it the rise of like more um you know, just access to more information and that whole sensationalization of people in power and um like TV and social media? Is it is it creating a disconnection from what's important? That's what's going on. Is it that escapism thing that you talked about, you know? There's one thing to read a book, but we get lost in other people's lives, don't we?

But define important because for some people that is important. If you're in the media, that's very important.

Yeah.

Right? I mean it's then

Algorithms, Anger And Digital Boundaries

yeah, very true.

But when do we know then whether that is getting us off purpose?

Is it yeah, you know, that's that's the thing. That that I think is where you can look. I I I you know everything you just said, is it is it is it an indonation of information creating disconnection? It isn't it funny that we're supposed to have these devices to connect us and we become more disconnected. People talk less to each other, they they we you you see how how often I see I've seen it. Um I've seen it in families. It's and uh the they they can't even dialogue with each other because it's just they've let it sort of build up stupidly. I mean, it's not really any different than it was a hundred years ago. It's just that now you get to see it. I mean, we we we can certainly make a big deal out of different stuff and say, oh my goodness, what's going on in this part of the world and what's going on in this part of the world? But we're we're worried, uh often we're worried about a lot of stuff that we have absolutely no control over. The only thing we really have control over is us. And it's it's so we start to get in, we go, oh my god, I can't believe this person this, you know, I'm in the United States, so I get to hear all the time about you know how bad how bad everything is or how good everything is. I mean, it's I get both sides of it because I'm you know, because I'm here, I go, no, no, no, no. We're here, we're here to take care of spines today, not not political movements. Yeah. And uh though I think every politician needs to be adjusted, uh, but they wouldn't be politicians anymore after that. So the uh right. But uh the but but people, you know, they're just glued to it. And then it's been proven over and over and over that this algorithm that they've built is reinforcing your bias so you only see stuff that supports you. And and a majority of it is really designed to make you angry and emotional, not joyful and emotional, but angry and emotional. And yeah, you're you're going to see, you know, and then people, I I had a number of friends that that certainly there was a lot of loss uh and grief and stuff that came up and fear in the last election, other people that were just like insane with joy, and and it's the same problem both ways, because it's it we're hitting these extremes, and the majority of people are really in the middle, we're not extreme. But I would say, you know, we're talking about a body and in an individual being too far off purpose. If we're seeing all these extremes going way over this way and way over this way, and I know it's not just this country. I know, I know we could, you know, I could sit and and dig it out in in all sorts of countries around the world that that the news is doing this. And and you're you're seeing societally a purpose thing almost at that point because it's you're you're getting caught in these extremes, but in the reality we're here. And and like when I I give people tips and they go, What's one of your tips? I I say, well, you gotta turn off your phone. You gotta turn it off the news. And and not forever, but you I it's it's more a matter, Nadine, that you're living here. And if you never leave your house and you never go out in the world, you you're you you know you just start to to to become what these four walls create. We're we're mentally living inside this little scrolling mechanism. And if I make you shut it off for just five minutes, give the phone a break. Let let the phone have a break from you, is what I tell people. The phone needs time off. It it needs a vacation. Give it the vacation and go out and get some fresh air. And and and just go. I've I've told people I go, you you want to, and if you're brave, turn the phone off, leave it at home, and go to the coffee shop and relax for a while. And then and then get back to it. And you will look at it different. Even if you're just like jumping back in. I I you you know, oh my god, what did I miss? But at the same time, you you gave yourself that break where you can go. I also tell people I go, stop using it two hours before you go to bed.

Yeah, right.

Because otherwise you're telling your brain to just keep the the dot narrative running. So I I I'd say one way we know we're getting way off purpose is yeah, you'll you'll get you'll get the feedback. I mean, I have people that are nauseous all the time. I don't know what's going on, they have recurrent health problems. I have people showing up with autoimmune disease. I go, how is it that these rare diseases are showing up now? You're that sort of off either direction. The that weird things you're attacking yourself. It's autoimmune, right? It's auto, it's self-attack. And it it's just you know, there's there's uh a hundred different signs. But one of the biggest ones is you just you know, everything feels completely out of sorts all the time, and you're constantly having stuff come up that I don't know what I'm doing. You know, that's the thing. How'd this happen? I don't know. It just started to happen. I go, great, let's just go explore a little bit.

So this idea of you going off purpose and trying bringing the bringing back people, trying to bring the people back to their purpose, whatever that may be. Um you've created a program and it's called the 40 over 40.

Right.

I'm curious before we go into that what happens at age 40. Well I've been there, I kind of had my own experience with it. Have you been there?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. So um, yeah, what why is this stuff why have you targeted it for the over 40s? Is it simply because of it's where you are right now? Or is there something that happens? Well

Why Forty Becomes A Turning Point

in your opinion or observation.

Well, it really had nothing to do with where I was because I didn't even I didn't really pay attention to my age.

Okay.

Um I I have other people to do that for me. And uh the it it it came more by uh bouncing ideas off a friend uh in uh uh that that we just kind of masterminded a little bit, and he just kind of randomly asked me, he said, what's the average age in my chiropractic office that I could surmise of patients that didn't didn't just come in to get out of their symptom, but really wanted to see what they could do with the health and with their whole life and and sort of do a lot of care, you know, people that that you know voluntarily say, you know what, I would love to continue to get regular adjustments and see what else I can be doing for care. And they end up you know coming to the talks and they they end up listening to a lot of this stuff. And and I I had to sit and think about it and I go, you know, if I was going to make it an average, I'd probably make it anywhere from like 40, 45 to 50. And you know, somewhere in that range. And I and then and then I just I couldn't I couldn't stop in and he and he just said, you know, Forbes has the 30 under 30, why don't we talk about the 40 over 40? And and and it and it worked really well, even though it it sounds a little gimmicky, but having 40 tips instead of five is uh one once I really started to explore it, I go, that that's actually wiser. Um not not that it's oh I have to do all these things, but more, ooh, I I can tackle all these different aspects. Uh and and you just can't pack all that into five. It's it's not fair. But I I started to look and I go, that's interesting. Why is that? And because when I when I started to talk to friends about it, like my one friend, he just, you know, when I was creating it, and I go, I go, Do you have any suggestions or ideas? or and he just goes, Yeah, stop trying to market to people over 40. We need to get kids in their teenage years and 20-year-olds to do this. I go, I get that, and I agree with that. And the and they can use this. In fact, I know some 20-year-olds that are, but they're the outliers. I'm looking for the average people that really are there. And so I found that the the beautiful quote by Carl Jung, just by researching it, he said, Life really does begin at 40. Up to then we're just we're we're just practicing, you know, or we're just doing research. And I and I thought, God, that's really interesting. And then I started to look at at well-known names, celebrities, if you would, uh, that that did stuff in their 40s, and like I found Mark Twain. And and Mark Twain was in his 40s when he published Tom Sawyer. Yeah, he was known, but he wasn't really known. And then by Tom Sawyer, he kind of took off as this well-known guy. He was he was he that's when he created invented suspenders. I mean, he was in his 50s when he wrote Huck Finn. He was in his 50s when he when he did, you know, the uh Connecticut Yankee and King Arthur's court and all that. Um I'm I'm uh um I've been to Dante Alighieri's house in Florence and read the the Divine Comedy, and Dante came up, and Dante began his masterpiece at the age of 43. And he finished at 53, and I go, that's interesting. And and then like I I've got Sir Patrick Stewart's biography up here. He was 46 when people got to know who he really was uh when he did Star Trek. And you kind of think, well, no, but we've always known Patrick. No, we've known Patrick Stewart since he was in his 40s. We've known Morgan Freeman since he was in his 50s. I mean, it's not that they weren't there, it's not that they weren't doing stuff. It's not like they just woke up one day after sleeping in a box in an alley and said, I'm now going to be a great thespian. You know, they were working, they were working, but it it it was this culmination over time. And yeah, it's it's uh it's one of those things you look at and you go, well, that's fascinating. Why is that? And the best I can surmise is roughly around 40, that's where we tend to have in our lives, at least in the established world, a little financial stability. We're not worried about where the money's gonna come from. We tend to have a little more job stability where we've we've kind of figured out where we want to be, or we're we're at a point where we know we're going to switch. We we tend to have learned a great deal, as I was just saying, a lot of them they that learning comes to the fore. And we're interested in learning maybe other things. And and that's one of the key components, I think, to the longevity and health is being able to continue sort of learning. And and then it doesn't have to be book learning, it can be hands-on life learning. But you know, like my brother finally learned how to coach because he has children that are in sports. Now he coaches. Um we we tend to know where we want to be spiritually. You know, you've gone through your ups and downs, your doubts. You may have changed faiths, you may have changed churches, you may have changed, you know, wherever you're at. Uh you tend to have a little more certainty in in your spiritual values at that point in the community you're part of. Uh socially, you tend to be a little more stable and kind of understand, you know, I got Friday night bowling with the guys, uh, or or I've got uh you know the the quilting group that I do. You know, you've you've got these established things, or the leadership positions you've taken. You tend to have them uh if you're doing them. And your relationships, I found at 40, uh the relationships tend to have stability, and that's whether you've said, I'm happy in this relationship, let's let's keep going, or it's time to change. Um, I I had this discussion with somebody, and I said, you know, I'd I'd almost be curious to to ask uh an attorney if if there was a common age that they saw like an average in there, just just if it's kind of like, you know, I've gone through this half of my life, but you know, I'm done. I I want different things. That and and I find when I when I talk to people that that's what happens, especially in the very sort of mutually amiable breakups people have in that, or the ones where they say, Yeah, absolutely, I can't wait for the next chapter of our lives to go. And I hear that from people that out of their mouths. And then that they end up in my office because they go, Yeah, I I've not really known what to do physically, and they're they're working on physical. And then I start to look around the wheel with them and say, here's the different aspects. But that's that's what I saw at 40. I I wouldn't say, can I go pull a scientific logbook out and say, yes, at 40 years exactly, and you know, this cell structure does this. They used to think you declined physically at 40. It's really more in your mid-60s, uh, where that starts to change. But 40, if if I x-ray enough spines, I'm gonna see a lot of sort of degenerative, age related, degenerative changes in your body. Time degenerate, time, time related, I should say, more than age. Uh you could have multiple car accidents and certainly accelerate that.

Yeah.

But the the uh Uh but but we'll we'll see that. And and so it it was one of those things where I see all these fun little things out like, oh, you know, what do you what do you do and what do you gotta take and how are you gonna make it and preparing for this and I I asked instead, especially after reading, you know, Patrick Stewart and after you know I met Syrian McKellen and and I've met the you know and I'm reading about all these individuals over 40 where I'm going, my God, they just it's like their life took off rather than saying, Oh, we made it. It's more like you you and I and I find there's a lot of people that get there. The the other thing, relationships is if you if you started young, your kids are graduating secondary school and that high school here, and and and you're kind of going, what do I do now? Especially if that's been your identity. Or like my youngest brother just got married and had a kid at 40. And he's just starting that journey. And now it's what now? And and uh and I have I have multiple friends that have actually done that right at the end of their 30s and 40s, they're just starting the family. Uh, and so now it's it's wow, what now? We were going to do this. Um actually, I just uh earlier today I I was at an event and I met a couple there and I was chatting with them and they they were their youngest was 17 and they're like, oh great, you know, they're just getting ready, you know, they're they're like in their in their early 40s, they're going there, they're like, Yes, he's gonna be kind of going, he's gonna go to college. The other two are older, they're getting established lives, and then I don't know the circumstance beyond what happened, but they had to take custody of of uh his sister kids and become the legal guardians. Now he's got a five and a ten-year-old again. And nope. Whoopsie. So instead of instead of like 40, it's all gonna go downhill from here, it's like 40. What do I want to do to take off?

Yeah, I love that.

Where do I want to go? And and we find that some people they come in and they go, What now? I don't know what to do.

So we were talking about a per purpose before, and then the people that you've kind of sort of given as examples of those averages around 40, these things that happen, they sound like they got their shit together, those ones. But the people that are off purpose, they're the ones that kind of need to get back into some of the 40 over 40, would you say? Is that that's kind of it? It's like a um it very interestingly. Well, I found it, I found it interesting. I during COVID, I started an online membership. It didn't really take off. I had a few members, but it was about health health and lifestyle, and about creating small intentional habits

Small Habits That Rebuild Direction

and behaviors to improve your health health, small little things, like step-by-step changes. It's really different different your 40 over 40, I think, is similar to that, but it's really difficult to get people to embrace that as something that's going to be effective.

Have you had that experience? Is it changing?

But that's the thing. I mean, the people want it. You know, I can't force it on anybody. And and that's usually the first step. When somebody says, Yeah, you know, I'm not quite sure what to do. Well, here, you're just something you can take a look at. Or here's some suggestions for you.

And they go, is that it? I just read a book, take some breaths, step outside. Is that gonna work?

Right. And and I and that's what I try to tell people. I go, here's pieces to explore to start to see where do you want to go. But they're they're all over the place. And the the design of all of it, like you don't have to go one through 40. I mean, it's it's a video series, but if you if you just you got on and you said, well, I'm not interested in that or that, I'm I'm really looking for things on this, you say, Well, one of the biggest things, I I don't know the stats outside of the US, but you know, in the United States, the average, the average person in in, you know, the so-called Generation X has a savings account of like 4,800 US dollars in it. I mean, they're screwed. So step, you know, day number nine is is what go learn about money. You're not too late to learn about money. You can still learn about money. Go now and learn. Like you you've neglected that. You've you've you've delegated it to other people. You know, do something like that. And I and I I the the reason I made them the way I did is I said I wanted it to be as simple as possible so it's something you could try. And and there's a couple of reasons for a lot of them, like one of them is reevaluate your beliefs. It's a great time in your life to reevaluate your beliefs. But you know what? 80 is a great time in your life to reevaluate your beliefs. I've seen people make massive changes at 80. Um number 40 is swallow your pride, which is usually the biggest thing holding us back from what we love. We get so stubborn about, but I've spent all this time. I go, yeah, but you don't really want to be here. So why are you wasting it? You know, everything in your life says you want to be there, and you're fighting so hard to sort of keep an ideal so everybody can see you do this when on the side you're doing that. You know, why aren't you just pursuing that? You know, who cares about the illusion? Um, or or say the thing you you haven't you haven't been willing to say. I had I had two uh lovely people that have been in my office. Um one in is gone from from really just is kind of become uh a great a great uh uh individual that I would call a friend, not just a patient, at this point because of the chats we've ended up having. But I remember the day he came in, he was a machinist. And he had stuff go on in his life, and he said, he said, you know what? I'm finally I'm I'm gonna go back to school. I mean he's he was in his 40s, his kids, his kids were his son was not yet in high school. He said, But I'm gonna go back to school. I I want to study early childhood developmental psychology. I'm like from running a machine in the machine shop. And I was like, okay, cool. How can I support you? You know, and that's all I needed. And then he ended up now, he's a you know, a licensed clinical like grief worker, and he ended up going really in-depth, and he's this beautiful hands-on person and and just completely changed his profession. He's got a waiting list of I don't know, hundreds of people to see him. And then the same thing just happened. Uh it was unplanned, but but his his wife got laid off from her job just before it would have been, you know, like the 20 years or whatever. And it was kind of like, oh, do I have to go find another job? What's gonna do this? And and he told me they they chatted, and she goes, you know, I always really just wanted to do hair and nails. And so he goes, Well, great. I well, let's just go do that, you know, we'll figure it out. And they just did. And their kids are still living at home and going through school, and but they just said, I'm I've had enough of this. I'm I've had enough, and they figured it out. And their circumstances allowed them to figure out, and their communication with each other allowed them to figure it out. But you know, not everybody's necessarily in that situation. But if you say, Well, I do want to do this, but I can't do it today. You can be one of the crazy people that goes to the seminars and like sells their car and all their possessions in order to afford the ticket in the hotel to learn how to get rich on real estate. I've seen people do it uh and make it. They struggled pretty hard, but they did it. Um you know, you can go down those paths. But but the average person is the reason I have these is simple, is not because, oh, I just go take three deep breaths every single day, uh, and and I'm going to suddenly be on purpose and have a great life. It's like, no. I want you to learn how to take some deep breaths so you can re-center yourself because it's scary as hell to finally admit this is what I want to do. And there's going to be days where it's going to be really easy to retreat and and or everybody's going to be yelling at you, and you need to say, you know what? Okay, tell me again. You know, it's get the same with that's why turning off the phone, that's why turning off the news, that's why that's why you you know you do want to exercise and work on your nutrition. That's why you want to look at your beliefs. That's why I want you to get creative and play games. That's why I want you to walk around barefoot in the grass. Go watch the stars, go people watch. Get out of our head and let us go figure out what is it you really would love to do. And it may be what you're doing. I have a friend that was is is a long-term I love working in this company. Doesn't want to be the CEO, does not want to be middle management, so I love working in this company and contributing all this and helping coworkers and doing it. I have no desire to be up here, I have no desire to go over here. I'm going to do this until I'm ready to retire, and then I don't know what I'm going to do, but it's going to be great. And and I'm like, great, you're on purpose. You don't have to go run a billion-dollar company and found it in in order to be successful. You could just, you know, it's the same thing where I'm, yeah, my grandfather worked at Woodward Governor for 49 years and eight months. He retired just before he was 65. He started, he's he started in, you know, the when he was when he was probably a teenager. And uh he built his house, he raised his kids, my mom, my uncle, um worked his way up to where they did put him in charge of different stuff. And he retired, and he and my grandmother learned to dance, and he enjoyed many good meals, and he gardened, and he had a beautiful flower garden and one of the most beautiful yards you could see, and he grew all these fresh vegetables, and he just he just kind of you know, they never really traveled or did too much. He just was kind of grandpa and he lived his life and he enjoyed it. And I he changed my life.

It's pretty simple, isn't it?

Everybody can trip, yeah. Dr. B. J. Palmer, the developer at chiropractic, had a quote that I have on the wall in my office and on the wall here. And he said, You never know how far reaching something you say, think, or do today will affect the lives of millions tomorrow. And he intended that in chiropractic with one adjustment on one segment, one time to one individual to change the trajectory of that communication system. So instead of you having interference, you express more health and life. So every single interaction you had forever was therefore going to be different. So I it's that easy to change the world. Yeah, well, people don't think that.

No, that puts it into perspective for sure.

I've I've got more. You've got more. You ever studied? Well, well, I'll I'll I'll say this because it's right in line with what I just said. Okay. Okay, cool. I love speaking on, I'd love speaking on language. Um, I have studied Old English, Anglo-Saxon English, Beowulf. And I am studying Old Norse currently. But I I came across a fascinating thing in Old English, and and it's this concept called the last word. And in Old English, the word word, which would be like word, was actually had multiple meanings. And in fact, they they had a a uh type of individual called a word somnare, like a word gatherer, because they believed that every word had its own story. Right? And I love stories, as we established. So the word word

Legacy As The Last Word

itself could mean word, but it could mean story, or it could mean a speech. It could mean the news. And we use that today. Uh, you know, say what what word is that? Or can you tell me the word? You know, what's the word on this? What's the news? What's the story behind that? Hey, what's the word on this guy?

Yeah.

You know, you know, tell me the story. You know, so we use it that way. We don't think about it, but we're still using it with multiple meanings. And then there's the word last. And we don't know that that has multiple meanings, do you? So we think of it as the end, don't we? But but to them, end was end. Uh last actually meant track. And if you know anything about making shoes, it makes sense. And I always wondered this. I worked for a shoe company for a brief time. I'm a barefoot warrior, so it was a weird thing.

I'm a barefoot warrior.

But a last, a last is what they take the material and they stretch it over, and that's how you get your size nine shoe. That's how you get your or whatever size they used for you, but uh the you know, that's that's the size because it's measured on a foot, on a track, right? It's like we took a mold of your foot, a track, and and that's called a last. And that's why you can also have a lasting impression, can't you? So a last was a track, and and because it was something that that lasted. It was something you could see. Yeah. You could follow that to the end. Now, so they had they said last word, meaning the track word. Meaning the story track, meaning the story you left in your tracks at the last, at the end. So we could call that legacy, we could call that reputation. I took it a little farther based on Dr. BJ's quote, and I said it's not that, it's the story of the interactions you and the impressions you left lastingly on the world with every individual you interacted with with your entire time living on earth on this journey. That's the last word. We'll never know how far reaching that was. But every interaction you had, you know, every interaction, we're having an interaction right now, and everybody that's gonna listen and watch this, it's going to affect themselves. I'm not worried about good or bad or up or down or sideways. I I know that it's gonna have an effect, and I know you talking to me is gonna have an effect on me. And that I'm gonna take with me as part of my last word. These beautiful concepts that are sitting in the words that we say to ourselves. We started off, I think, talking about self-dialogue.

Yes, yes.

Yeah, words are important, aren't they?

Oh, yeah.

You know, yeah. Words might not hurt us, but they will change us.

Yes, yeah. That was a great story. From a story level.

Like to leave you with a good word, you know.

I know we have come to the end of our hour. I've got I could just I'd love to have, if you've got the time, just a moment for you to sort of share with us how the 40 over 40, how people can get it, and like, is there gonna be are you gonna have you got a membership or like is there gonna be some kind of coaching from you? Is it a standalone piece? What's what's happening with it? What are your intentions with this project?

So the 40 over 40 is 40 tips to maximize health and longevity after 40 years of age.

Yeah.

And it's it's it's when you hit 40, we're going, what now? So it's 40 tips, it's 40 videos of four to six minutes. They're all very simple, and they're things you can pick and choose. This is a choose your own adventure game. So you when you buy it, you purchase it, it's not a members only thing, but you get access to it for life. You know, you'll go in, you can make the account, you'll be able to do it. And we're going to expand it later on. Uh, but right now, here's what I've got for you. And it's in in and we'll give you we'll give you some fun little freebies with it too, because everybody gets to have fun stuff.

40 Over 40 Tips Explained

Um, and and you can look in and do it. And I encourage everybody, I go, I go, look at all 40, listen to all of it. You know, it's what three and a half hours worth of stuff to listen to. Uh people tell me I have a pleasant voice. But but the the main point is I wanted to give you simple little things that you can play around with and try in all various aspects of your life, from the spiritual to the learning mental to the physical, to the the relationship, to the social, to your job, to your money, everything that you can play around with and see where am I at with health in my life. And then what, what, which one of these can I just grab onto and run with? Try 40, try 10, try two, try one, whatever works. But there's no, it's it's not, it's not coaching, it's not you're gonna take a course, it's not, it's not start at you can start at day one and go through day 40. I I encourage that, but it's not in any specific order where one builds on another. Um, I I just kind of said this was the order I wanted to do them. Uh, they're completely raw from the heart. I don't use scripts. So I just I this this is me sharing ideas for you that that I hope you can take. And do I have beyond that, are there workshops that my wife and I have done with people that are short? Yes, those are things that are available. I certainly I speak to companies, but the main thing I want everybody to have is if they they want to get on and purchase the 40 over 40 and have that and be able to go through and utilize that for health and longevity in their lives. Um, I wanted to get out it's a cliche, but outside the box because everybody's so worried about please, doctor, tell me what to do. I'm not gonna tell you what to do. I'm gonna say here, see which one works, see which one fits.

Yeah, I love it. I'm a massive fan of that as well. It's not a one size fits all, which is difficult for people to um come to terms with, and not being told what to do, but actually taking responsibility for yourself is a is a big deal as well for a lot of people.

Well, I wanted to make them as simple as possible that anybody can do this.

How connected to your how connected to your purpose is this project?

Well, my I I've I've stated before that my purpose is as a storyteller of health and human potential. And uh I have I have an objective that I've kind of set to really affect the the the dialogue and the paradigm out there that health is sort of this external force that needs things from outside in. Health is an internal state in in which we want to be free of interference to express this this great great health within us out there, whether big or small. And so I'm I'm doing that through stories, and that's that's fully connected to what I certainly espouse and what I want to do. I want you to know that see, these 40 things, these are things you have 100% control over.

Yeah.

That's health. That's whole being.

Yes. Amen.

It's you.

Thank you so much for joining me. What a great conversation. So much goodness. Really, really appreciate your time. Hey there, Rebel. Thank you for listening to this episode of the Midlife Rebel Podcast. If you'd like to support the show, you can buy me a coffee by going to Buy MeACoffee forward slash Midlife Rebel Podcast. Thanks for listening.